People of the Wedge,

I hereby announce my resignation from the LHENA Board of Directors, effective eight months ago, in order to spend more time with my cronies. My only regret is that I didn’t resign when they threatened my family. That was just me being stubborn.

Though my approval ratings remain at record high levels, I must depart from elected office. However, it is my intention to remain an active Pillar of the Neighborhood. Additionally, I will be keeping my @lhena.gov email address, so please continue to send me your constituent hate mail.

The writing was on the wall during my very first meeting last May, when a board member accused me of “publishing the home address of a single mom”—a reference to a post I’d written about permit violations at multiple properties owned by HGTV icon Nicole Curtis. To this person I say: your effort to paint me as a sex criminal has failed. Even your friends think you’re the worst.

Then there was the months-long battle to force me to remove an online archive of neighborhood newspapers. To those who led the effort to eliminate easy access to the local history they claim to care about: it is my hope that you will never live down how dumb that made you seem.

To LHENA President Leslie Foreman: I still can’t believe all those times you sneaked me onto the agenda without any prior discussion or notice—and never by name—so that other members of Team Tuthill could unleash surprise mid-meeting attacks. Good luck to you in 2017.

In closing, allow me to quote the inspiring words of the JetBlue flight attendant who famously resigned by grabbing a beer and sliding down the plane’s inflatable escape chute:

OK, I’ve had it. To the passenger who called me a motherf—er, f— you! Those of you who have shown dignity and respect these last 20 years, thanks for a great ride, but I’ve been in this business for 28 years and I’ve had it. That’s it. I’m done, motherf—er.

Sincerely,

John Edwards