“The Planning Commission” Pre-Show Panel

We’re minutes away from tonight’s Planning Commission (view the trailer). Linden Hills is on the agenda. It’s Nick Magrino’s first meeting as a commissioner. There’s probably at least one Sabri on the agenda. Let’s go to our panel!

John: let’s start with Whittier. gentrification is in the news today. anyone have some quick takes?

[Shouted from the studio audience]: do these people not realize Whittier is getting fancy restaurants and hipster/gentrified bars, etc **without** the Uptown-esque 5 story developments?

J: I thought the line against this building was “too affordable”?

Senior Producer: From the strib, “As increasingly upscale businesses have bloomed near it — just up the street is a yoga studio and a bar that specializes in fermented products ranging from local kombucha tea to artisan cheeses.”

[Surly audience member]: It’s as if chains and bros will literally move into old, crummy buildings without new construction to satisfy their $2k/month budget!

J: Fancy people only ruin things when they live in apartments. As soon as a fancy person goes above about three stories, the neighborhood starts to undergo what I like to call “ghettoized gentrification.”

I’ve never been excited for anything as much as the @WedgeLIVE reporting team is for this zoning & planning meeting https://t.co/cYOI6rbtXG

— Kristina (@gelicia) September 8, 2015

Anton: wait, I thought it was the planning commission

Kristina: I’m sorry I maybe messed up the terminology. BUT no one who follows me will care who isnt one of you weirdos.

A: what a total n00b! Doesn’t know the difference between Zoning & Planning and the Planning Commission!!! LOLOL

J: familiarize yourself with the 87 layers of development bureaucracy or GTFO.

let’s get back to the issue. like, was commissioner nick magrino properly vetted?

A: did they hold confirmation hearings? was there a litmus test? there needs to be a quiz.

J: “which of these words has not been used to describe linden hills? a) quaint, b) small town, c) village,  d) gargantuan”

A: how many of the founding fathers’ signatures are on the Linden Hills Small Area Plan?

J: i can’t be the only one who’s exhausted by discussion of the LHSAP. it needs to go away.

A: but it represents everyone in Linden Hills

J: depends if you’re talking about the actual LHSAP or the one the founders intended.

it’s a sunni shiite thing.

A: Yes, are you an originalist when it comes to the LHSAP, or do you feel that it is a “living document”?

that needs to be the litmus test

J: that’s my point. nick magrino was never forced to answer that question.

Senior Producer: all I know about the LHSAP is they spent $60,000 on it

J: ha ha. like any amount of money can buy off the multinational corporations.

A: Do you, Nick Magrino, consider yourself more of a Antonin Scalia or Stephen Breyer?

J: he’s more of a ruth bader magrinsburg.

A: Thurgood Magrino

J: i might have to edit this into a roundtable. who’s willing to be quoted?

A: um, what of mine will be quoted again?

YES I CONSENT

J: i’ll edit you to make you look smart and handsome.

A: that doesn’t fit with my personal brand, but that’s okay. please make a clever Robert Bork joke on my behalf.

Update: Watch the three minute recap of The Planning Commission, or the full 12-minute director’s cut.

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